Tuesday, November 10, 2015

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

I have known the Scheevel Family since 2002.  As a freshman in college, I sat in the same pew at Hope Covenant Church each Sunday.  I had the privilege of visiting Hope Covenant last month when Nick and Rachel Scheevel spoke about the birth of their son, Caleb.  You can listen too, look for October 18th, “Love One Another—Baby Caleb’s Story.”  I came home from church that Sunday, sat at my kitchen table, and thought, I’d love to have Rachel write their story out for my blog.  It’s a  such a sweet testimony to the beauty of life.  Enjoy!

By Rachel Scheevel

Out on our deck hangs a well-visited birdfeeder. It has been a treat at this time of year to watch the different varieties of birds pass by on their way to warmer climates. And while we get the occasional woodpecker or blue jay, the most frequent visitor is the sparrow. These little creatures present a daily reminder for me of God's protection and provision, even in the midst of fear and uncertainty. I have needed this reminder over the past year, as our family has been stretched and challenged in ways we never anticipated.

In May of 2014, we found out that the son we were expecting had a neural tube defect. Because of this, his skull had a large hole in it, and the doctors and ultrasound technicians informed us that at least 50% of his brain had hemorrhaged outside of his skull. Multiple opinions confirmed that he had zero hope of survival beyond a few weeks.

My pregnancy continued and we prepared ourselves to say hello and goodbye to our son, Caleb. We learned what it felt like to grieve, and we began to learn how to wait on God. In this wilderness of Waiting, we saw Him stand with us, quietly and steadily.

Caleb was born on September 29th, 2015, in a surprisingly uncomplicated and swift delivery. Our little sparrow. He nestled his way into our hearts slowly over the next few weeks and continued to defy the doctors' predictions. We began a series of surgeries that gave us increasing hope and challenged our endurance. Instead of preparing for another pregnancy, a redemption, God redeemed Caleb and began to heal our family from fear and grief.

Our journey with Caleb is not a smooth one, and complications continue to arise, but we know that God will never leave us, and He sees us in our struggle. We know that, just as He has a plan for the sparrows that visit our birdfeeder, He has a plan for our family and for Caleb's life. It may not be the plan that I would have made, but already, I can see the beauty in it.

The task of praying for Caleb has challenged many hearts all over the country, and his sweet smile and story have touched the countless medical professionals he's interacted with. Nick and I are learning tenacity and advocacy. We are also getting better at holding the grief of others, because we have had a taste of it ourselves. Even though our challenges with Caleb have stretched us in ways that we never wanted or planned, we value the experience.


We don't know what the future will hold, and that can be so frustrating. Having all the answers and knowing everything seems so attractive. But, we have to remember, everyone thought Caleb would die, and here he is - a year into his crazy, beautiful life - moving and growing and surprising us all. So we remind ourselves, when the end of a discouraging day arrives and we grieve the complexity of our story, that just like God holds the sparrows, He holds our future as well. 


Thursday, November 5, 2015

This Good Word Podcast: Hero

Hello Readers!

 Last week I had the opportunity to sit down beside with my dear fiend Steve Wiens to record an interview on his podcast This Good Word.  Every week Steve chooses one word to discuss, and the word we talked about together was “hero.”  Steve has told me on several occasions that I am one of his heroes, but the really sweet thing is that the feeling is mutual!

Steve has cheered my life on since we meet in 2009.  He is extremely gifted, and has generously shared those gifts with me.  He has encouraged my writing from the first keystrokes of Walking with Tension to its publication, nearly four and half years later! 

Steve has many great qualities:  He runs marathons; he has written a book called Beginnings  coming out January 1st, and preaches thoughtful sermons where he pastors at Genesis Covenant Church.  All these things are terrific, but my favorite thing about Steve is that he is my friend.  He has taken a genuine interest in my life and I am grateful.  We all need someone like that.

I hope you have time in your schedule to listen our conversation recorded below.  It’s honest and unedited.  We talk about friendship, writing, cerebral palsy, and, of course, heroes. 


At the end of this post, I’ve included three ways I have used in the past to honor people I love.  Maybe during this month of thanks and giving, you’d like to try one of them out.

Cheers!
Jenny


Three ways to honor those we love:

Write a letter or a poem.  There’s something really impactful for both the writer and the reader to take the time to thoughtfully name the ways in which a person has impacted your life.  If life allows, sit down with the person over coffee or a meal and read it aloud.  Give them a copy to keep.  It will be a gift to both of you.

Send Thank You Notes in November instead of Christmas Cards in December.  Make a list of 40 people who have given to you this year.  It could be something momentary like an encouraging word something enduring like years of friendship.  Whatever it is, write it down along with the reason it impacted you and mail it out this month.  It’s a great way to reflect on your year with gratitude and a unique piece of mail to receive.

Host an honor night.  Get together with your closest friends and schedule a night for each of you.  Whoever hosts makes their favorite meal for everyone to enjoy and is the one being honored that evening. Following dinner, the guests focus their conversation on the host and present the honoree with gifts representing their friendship.  Be creative!  It could be a letter, artwork, video, prayers, or something else. Each person gets a turn to honor their friend with words and memories, affirming the good gifts God has placed in their life and naming how their friendship has made an impact.  It might be your most favorite thing you’ve ever done with your friends or small group and a great way to practice seeing the beauty in each other.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Six Inches of Power

I dream about wearing high heels.

I loved covering Barbie’s pointed toes with colored shoes to match every outfit she owned hour after hour as a child.  I loved the way her legs looked in them, even though they couldn’t bend.  Sometimes as an adult, I ask my friends if I can try on their heels just so I can see what I look like while they stand next to me in the mirror propping me up.  I hope in heaven, I will have a closet of heels and get to wear the shiny red ones any time I want. 

 I found myself trapped in this day dream again while sitting at a meeting one night.  The woman next to me was wearing these cute black and white plaid heels with black tips and a little gemstone on the top.  I would look like such a beautiful woman in those…and then I stared down at my own shoes: black, flat, orthotic.  I like to have a little hint in my wardrobe that I might, in fact, be a librarian.  My shoes scream it.

There are moments when I’m frustrated by my footwear, especially the years I spent in Reeboks while trying to manage inserts, planter fasciitis, and a brace.  Some days I would close eyes and tell myself, don’t think about it, don’t think about it, it’s not as bad as you think it is.  Then I would open my eyes, see my Reeboks with a dress; Yuck! Cringe, and go to work.

I found myself one day after work sitting in a shiny lobby waiting to meet with a financial advisor.  The receptionist had brought me a hot cup of coffee which I attempted to sip, but every time the door opened, there was this loud “click” which made me jump and spill on myself every time.  Not going to lie, it was a rough 10 minutes. 

Luckily I was soon rescued and seated in a private room away from the pesky door.  The woman in front of me began clicking through slides on a screen, telling me about retirement, health insurance, and Roth IRAs.   She had spent her life making friends with numbers when I had spent my time befriending words.  My head was already spinning slightly when she gradually pushed her chair away from the table and said, “I know it’s just the two of us, but I typically stand up through this part of the presentation.”  Suddenly, there was a tower in front of me, propped up by six inch heels.  Her stilettos were the exclamation point on the end of a sentence that clearly read I am ABOVE you!

This wasn’t about Barbie anymore.

As I looked up at her, I began to feel:

small

defeated

powerless

I looked down, and for a moment, I felt thankful.  Thankful that my misshapen feet have somehow kept me by default from towering over another person, making them feel as miniscule as I felt in that moment.   I pictured my students in my reading nook, huddled around me.  I wondered what kind of message I was portraying in the fatigue I’ve resigned myself to; to, instead, sit and look at my students from eye level instead of standing above them.

Perspective can be life altering; eye level is one thing, but…

What does it mean to come underneath?

I’ve pondered this question often since my encounter with those six inch heels.

I thought about it again while sitting in a pedicure shop in Minnetonka as a little Vietnamese woman sat on a stool and carefully washed and massaged my feet last March, bringing some relief to my aching fascia.  As she painted my nails, I learned that she faithfully worked seven days a week, serving others in this way.  Her act of service was a gift to me and almost felt holy.

I imagine that when Jesus came to earth, he likely walked its roads in sandals.  And when it was time, he took a towel, wrapped it around His waist, and washed the feet of his disciples.  Jesus came for Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, but he also came for financial advisors, tired librarians, and Vietnamese pedicurists.  He came for you and He came for me.  He came so we might learn from Him to take off our six inches of power and position, so that we too, might learn to serve.

 Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,

who, though he was in the form of God,
    did not regard equality with God
    as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself,
    taking the form of a slave,
    being born in human likeness.
And being found in human form,
    he humbled himself....

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Be the Bridge

My single girl friends are bending the ear of heaven asking for a mate; my married ones are praying for babies. I have a hard time even pretending in the presence of the Almighty that these are my deepest desires.

I’d like to become a speaker.

Not the Matt Foley SNL character living in a van down by the river, or the disabled champion who perpetuates the myth that there are no limits and anything is possible. 

I want to teach people to see each other—to walk into a room and switch the question from “Who do I know?” to “Who needs to be known?”; to look deep into the soul of a human being and see the whole person.  I would love to inspire others to catch a glimpse of our identities reaching far beyond our attractiveness and flaws.  We must learn how to honor each other because we are human; to behold beauty even in the face of our enemies and those who are different because we were all created in the image of God. Even in our quirks and imperfections we must do the courageous work of boldly showing up to our lives as ourselves, because our uniqueness can ultimately become the gift we offer the world. 

Like a mirror, my friend looked at me in the eyes one night and said honestly, “You should be speaking.” 

I had to hold back a few tears. 

What do you do when desire and potential are growing inside yourself, but you’re not sure how to let them out? 

What do you do when there is a part of your identity you’re afraid to let others see except they can’t stop seeing it and neither can you?

Sometimes you hide in your bathroom and cry.

Sometimes you step up to the microphone and speak.

This past October (2014), I led a workshop where several librarians and I sat in a room together and discussed my writing and publishing journey using CreateSpace. I was transparent and they laughed about the honesty of my experience.  I learned that day that as a speaker, “I’d rather keep it real than keep it perfect.”  My friend framed this for me and I look at it every day on my kitchen counter.



I spoke at Hope Covenant where I went to church in college.  I shared about my friend Kris and met a few people following my talk who live with cerebral palsy.  One person in the audience whose life has been impacted by disability couldn’t say anything to me afterwards because my message had reduced him to tears.  Speaking is often about letting your story intersect with the work God is already doing in people’s hearts.

Later in the month, I was asked to speak at a non-profit organization nearly an hour from my house.  Upon arriving I was told that no one had signed up for my session.  I drove home confused and frustrated, learning that not every opportunity that comes across your desk is a good one.

So, when November rolled around and I was preparing to speak at the University of Northwestern, St. Paul Chapel, I thought that perhaps I would simply reuse material that I had developed in October.  But, as every good speaker knows, speaking is as much about listening as it is about talking.  As I began to pause, remembering my life as an undergraduate, I scratched everything I had days before the presentation and developed a completely new talk—it turned out to be my favorite one I’ve ever given.

It didn’t make it on to iTunes, so I posted it to YouTube and included my slides.  Its 34 minutes and I hope you’ll take time to enjoy it.  I share my story, what it’s like to be stared at in public, and my deep convictions that skipping your morning coffee is a crime.  I talk about the need to see each other, to take risks, and unpacked what we might learn about loving others with disabilities from a man in the Bible named Mephibosheth who was “crippled in both feet.”



Be the Bridge Part 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOkwN59vqHw

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

His Words on Sunday

Note:  I'm relaunching my blog today after a year's hiatus.  To celebrate, I'm doing a double feature.  "I miss your blogs..." talks about what I've been up to this past year.  But, it is the post below that I really couldn't wait to share with you.  Enjoy!

There are two friends that I often see on Sundays.  One speaks for a living….the other can’t open his mouth.

My friend Steve Wiens is the pastor of Genesis Covenant Church. Genesis meets in a theater at a Jewish Community Center that is 40 minutes from my house.  Sometimes it feels like a long drive, but in all the times I’ve gone, I’ve never regretted the journey.  The seats in the auditorium are teal and the stage often holds a set of whatever play is being performed that afternoon.  The church is so full of young families that I joke it’s the church of the car seat.  I’ve stumbled over many on my way to the communion line.

Steve used to stutter growing up, but if you heard him preach on a Sunday morning you would never know it.  Steve unlocks words, explores their original Hebrew or Greek meanings, and helps makes them available to all who listen.  He’s a demonstrative talker.  He likes to move around and makes gestures and faces.  He asks questions of his audience as he speaks because he really believes that we all have something to learn from one another.

Steve also has a podcast called This Good Word.  I love listening to it on my iPhone while I’m going through my morning routine or driving to work.  His voice fills up my car with sound, my head with thoughts, and my heart with hope.  Steve understands something about what it means to be human and knows how to share words in ways that are insightful, honest, and uplifting.  He knows how to create community even when his audience spans the globe.

I love listening to people talk after hearing Steve speak for the first time.  I think they’re blown away by how brilliant he is, but at the same time so warm, relatable, and inviting.  Steve is a good teacher, and many people just like me have received his words on Sunday week after week as some of their favorite gifts.



If the Vikings are playing at noon, I give quick hugs to my friends after church and dash into my car, though town and out into the country.  I stop at the house that has a ramp leading to the door and am greeted by a welcoming party of two Yorkies and a drooling mutt. My friend is sitting inside.

“Hi Kris.”  I call as I enter.

Kris waves his index finger to say hello.  Most Sundays he’s decked out head to toe in neon; all six feet nine inches of him.  Kris was in a car accident one icy November night in the middle of his college career.  The resulting injuries and surgeries following his crash have been life-altering.  The body he lives in has changed, but his mind is fully intact.

Kris lost the ability to open his mouth, so while I eat pizza during the game, Kris’ smoothie hangs from an IV bag.  Kris has double vision and a paralyzed left hand, so the best way he has found to communicate is through one-handed finger spelling.  Slowly, with great concentration, Kris begins to move his fingers on his working hand to spell out what he wants to say one careful letter at a time.  His long fingers labor intently to express his thoughts; his thumb doesn’t always want to participate.

Some days our communication is clear and I can understand his signs with ease.  Some days are harder and I need the help of a friend and a notepad.  Kris has a sign for “erasing the chalk board” so to speak, and individual signs for people in his life.  Mine kind of looks like “Live Long and Prosper” and I find it fitting. 

His words on Sunday are also teaching me but they’re not explaining the Hebrew language or filling space with sound.  Kris’ silent signs are helping me learn patience, presence, and the beautiful, undeniable truth that every human life has value.  Kris was once asked what he thinks about doing someday in heaven.  He began to sign to me, “I want to be heard.”  Kris, I can’t wait to listen. 

When the game ends, I drive home to get ready for another week.  As I finish my to-do list for the weekend and consider the week ahead, I pause to ponder the dichotomy of my friendships and consider the beauty of words and signs, silence and sound.  I thank God for my friends Steve and Kris; friends who have shared their words with me on Sunday.

I miss your blogs...



Have you stopped writing?  I looked back at him unsure how to respond.  I really liked your blog.  I had never really thought about people with disabilities before reading your posts.  I learned a lot.

Did something happen?  I’m no longer receiving any posts…She honestly thought there was a technical problem with her e-mail; the problem however, lay with the writer having nothing to send.

Did you give up on your blog?  My library friend looked at me with a knowing glance piercing through the rims of her glasses.  She had faithfully followed my blog for years, and now there was nothing to follow.

I’ve been grateful for these little exchanges over the past twelve months.  It’s encouraging to know that your words are missed when you take an unplanned hiatus from blogging.  It’s been a year since I’ve written a post, so I thought my first entry should include an explanation.

The answers to the above questions are:

No.

Yes.

Sort of…

No, I have not stopped writing.  I actually have been very busy writing, but nothing you would want to read in a blog post.  This summer I chained myself to the kitchen table and finished writing my doctoral dissertation on MN elementary school principals and their use of social media.  It was just as much work as writing my memoir, Walking with Tension. But, as the school year has unrolled, my research has found its application.  Alongside my new principal we are updating Facebook and Twitter almost daily, reaching parents, and making connections.  It’s been fun and rewarding to watch evolve because I am slowly starting to see my interest make its impact.

Yes, something did happen. Ten years ago United Cerebral Palsy (UCP) of Central MN helped me find an internship at the Library of Congress in Washington DC during my senior year of college.  Facebook was in its infancy, Twitter had yet to be invented, and I still owned a phone that looked like one of Star Trek’s communicators.  Blogs were emerging, and I was able to share my experiences at America’s Library with UCP on their site. Years later, after I had completed my first draft of my book, I wrote for them again from 2011 to 2014.  I became friends with the executive director who retired just months after my book came out. Their Website has since been redesigned and my blog posts have been archived.  UCP has been gracious to me over the years, and I am thankful.  Writing for an organization was a motivator and helped keep me accountable.

So, I kind of gave up on blogging because I got busy speaking, studying, teaching, writing….  I’ve wanted to write something else besides academic papers in the last year, but haven’t found the time, energy, or motivation.  The demands of working as full time as an elementary school library media specialist and part-time doctoral student can tap your writing well and leave you dry.  Words quickly become work instead of wonder; labor in place of love.

Yet, there has been this longing in me whose desire I can’t even name, but I think writing might have something to do with it.  It’s like a dear friend who you know you should call, but you just haven’t.
 
And then, this e-mail came from my mom early one morning, “…I miss your blogs.  Powerful messages came from them.”

Writing uncorks a person, letting the aged, rich wine of their soul spill forth onto the page.  I want to pick up my pen again. I want to put words on paper.  I want to be reflective and transparent, offering a view that includes faith, disability, and life.

So now, I have a question to ask you:

Will you be my reader?

I’m going to try to update my blog weekly, but it’s easier to stay motivated if I know there are people out there reading.  I also recently created a Facebook page where I want to post pictures when I speak, have book signings, or update my blog. 

I’m doing a double-feature this week, because I just couldn’t wait!  Please enjoy His Words on Sunday.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Trying to See


My dad recently wrote an eclectic devotional called Trying to See.    I read it on Saturday in one sitting.  The beautiful thing about this book is that you can read it fast, but then you can read it again slowly, savoring each story.  It's a book about seeing God in everyday life through short stories, prayers, and commentary.  It's charming, heart-felt, and thought-provoking.  Enjoy the first chapter printed below and then hop over to Amazon to read the rest. 

243897

     On a summer day when the sun is on high beam and the breezes
are welcome caresses, Lake Superior is a visual and sensory force.
The water is so rare a blue that a proper adjective cannot be found
to describe it. If you are standing along Duluth’s high ridge you can
see the sweeping curve of the earth and watch the thousand-foot
ore carriers fall off the edge. From Park Point looking back toward
the city, black hulled, high mast sailboats skim the surface and large
cruisers manned by happy faces come and go at the marina. You’d
swear you were looking at a village planted on a steep hillside along
the Mediterranean. Wading in forty-degree water however, quickly
cools off that illusion. If you’re in a boat a few miles off shore, a
penetrating, primordial awareness overwhelms a person. It is an
awareness of the unbelievable enormity of the earth and its largest
fresh water ocean.
     When my children were still living at home we’d try to get up
there as many summers as we could. Duluth meant fun places to
eat and hanging out at the lift bridge. There, we could watch giant
ships from all over the world squeeze through the narrow canal,
their rotating radar scanners barely slipping under the raised deck of
the iconic bridge. Many of the crew would be out on deck waving a
happy hello to the crowds pressing on the rail.
     We also enjoyed the train ride. The city runs an open-air train
made of passenger cars with no walls or windows. You sit on
simple wood benches situated perpendicular to the sides of the car
so you can face each other and still look out in both directions. The
train creeps its way from the waterfront up to the high ridge of the
city and on through to the northeastern outskirts of town.
     On one such excursion two elderly ladies sat down across from
the four of us. They were both short and slight. They moved
slowly but were not frail. They boarded arm and arm and remained
that way. Their silver hair was professionally done and their make-up was
just so. They wore stylish clothing and each one was adorned with earrings,
bracelets, and wedding rings with diamonds that were not bought at the mall.
One couldn’t help but assume they were sisters.
     As the train crawled along, they started commenting to one
another about what they were seeing. Occasionally, they would slip
into an unfamiliar language and almost whisper to each other. Their
enjoyment of the vistas of the crystal blue sea was obvious.
     After ten minutes or so, one of the ladies turned her attention to
us and asked, “Are you locals?”
     “Yes we are.”
     “We’ve heard about a place called Palisades Head and wondered
if it was worth the trip further up the north shore?”
     “It is spectacular and worth the drive.” I assured them.
     Their query opened the door for some informal introductions.
Their names were Hattie and Lillian. An easy comfortableness
settled in on the six of us, and we carried on with a light friendly
conversation. For the first time since we met them they unclasped
their arms and created a slight space between themselves on the bench.
Hattie’s sleeves were three quarters length. As she and Lillian
adjusted their seating and unlocked arms her inner forearm became
visible exposing something that looked like a tattoo scar. It was old
and small. Hattie noticed that we noticed. She wasn’t offended. She
actually leaned forward, held out her arm and gave us a closer look.
     It was a number: 243897.
     It happened that at this time, my daughter was going through a
period in her early middle school education where she was studying
all things Nazi, Jewish, and WWII. She had read Ann Frank,
Number the Stars, and anything about Corrie ten Boom. She knew
before the rest of us what the numbers on Hattie’s arm meant. She
immediately crossed the aisle and sat next to her. Hattie gently
clasped my daughter’s hand and gave her a little squeeze and allowed
her to slowly graze her index finger over the numbers. She then
wrapped her arm around my daughter’s so now they were ones who
were arm and arm.
     “We were about your age.” Hattie said, breaking the silence.
     “We met at Majdanek.”
     She motioned to Lillian. Lillian slid up her sleeve just enough to
reveal her scar also. The numbers were not as clear as Hattie’s, but
there was no mistaking them for anything else.
     The ladies went on to tell a heart-wrenching story of terror,
brutality, loss…and survival.
     “Majdanek started out as a factory camp and eventually morphed
into an extermination camp,” she explained. “It was a place where
nostril violating stench and chimneys blackened by unholy fires
provided unrelenting daily torment. By some miracle we both
remained sane. We first noticed each other in a food line. Our
mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters were all gone. We became
inseparable.”
     “That is why we survived.” Lillian added.
     Hattie continued.
     “One night we heard gunfire and shouting, followed by big
explosions in the distance. The Germans fled the camp. By morning
the gates were unguarded, yet none of us left. We were emaciated
and pale. We didn’t have enough strength to walk anywhere anyway.
We all stood silently at the edge of the fences, staring into the
distance, waiting for we knew not what. The Allies came the next
afternoon. We didn’t know who they were, or why they were there.
But we knew they weren’t the Nazis.”
     Then Lillian recounted an unshakable memory.
     “There was a tall man in a brown uniform. He broke off a piece
of bread and held it out for me. When I reached through the fence
to take it I looked up. I still remember the officer’s eyes, vividly.
They were as exhausted as mine and he was crying.”
     Hattie knew of an uncle who had immigrated to America before
the hostilities broke out in Europe. The uncle took both girls in
and raised them as sisters until adulthood. They grew, married,
had families, and lived full lives. They never lost contact with each
other. Now in their twilight years they were both widows. Hattie
lived in California and Lillian in Manitoba. For the last twelve or so
summers they would pick a city in the U.S. to vacation together. The
city had to have a university and be close to natural wonders. Had
to have a university because they would audit a class during their
visit. As Hattie put it, “We need to keep learning new things to stay
sharp.” Natural wonders because, “Who wants to sit in a classroom
all day?”
     All too soon the train was pulling back into the station. My
family’s little ten-mile tourist ride had become much more than
merely taking in the views. We’d been transported back in time to
Eastern Europe with two young, Jewish orphan girls.
     My daughter and Hattie were still arm and arm. She told Hattie
about the books she had been reading and a movie she’d seen.
     “When I think about all that stuff I have trouble believing there
is a God.”
     Hattie squeezed her arm a little tighter and leaned in. “There has
to be a God my dear.”
     “Why?”
     “Because we can still love.”

“We love because He first loved us.”
1 John 4:19