I wake up in darkness. Many mornings I turn and glance at the green
digital numbers of my alarm clock: 4AM; an hour and half earlier than my eyes
need to be open and my brain alert. I lay
there in silence; my soul is full of tumult, my mouth unable to speak.
How do we live, how do we pray, when we are experiencing
constipation of the soul? I like when
the words flow smoothly like water from the kitchen faucet, even when they
trickle down in a slow steady patter. I
enjoy words that come out with laughter, and I love when they burst forth in
song. Words through tears are painful,
but sometimes it is our sorrow that ultimately unearths our depths.
Having no words, but desperately wanting them. That’s a different experience entirely. I’m no expert on this situation, but here’s
what I’m learning in this season of life.
It’s okay to have no
words. Not having words to
adequately express yourself may be as much a part of the human experience as
the ability to speak. It’s in these
moments that I take comfort in the words of Romans 8:26: In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know
what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through
wordless groans.
It’s okay to have just
one word. I challenged myself this
week with this question: What if I just
brought one word to God? I wrapped
myself in my blanket, sat in my chair, faced the window, lit a candle, and
simply said, “Stuck. God, I am stuck.”
It’s okay to go to
friends and family and ask them to use their words on your behalf. This is a season where I have openly
asked friends and family to pray for me.
There’s this beautiful story in Exodus 17 where the Israelites were
winning a battle against their enemies as long as Moses held up his hands. But, as the war raged on, Moses’ hands grew
tired. So, Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so
that his hands remained steady till sunset (vs 13). Sometimes we are facing a battle that can’t
be won until our friends come alongside us with support.
It’s okay to pray
words that someone else wrote. Often
in the dark hours of the morning, scripture I’ve memorized comes to mind and I
pray them as if they were mine. When my
soul if full of tumult, I find myself asking the words of Psalm 51:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew
a right spirit within me….I also think Ted Loder’s words in his book
Guerrillas
of Grace: Prayers for the Battle are beautiful.
It’s okay to express
your words in song and pictures. One
of the most tangible ways I’ve found to pray is to close my eyes during worship
at church and picture the scenes that are swirling in my soul. Sometimes I picture God hugging me in the
midst of my need, but mostly I just hold scenes of my life in my mind before
God acknowledging that He is at work.
When my eyes aren’t closed and focused, I also like to open my mouth and
belt out songs with all of my breath.
There’s something emboldening about joining other voices in expressing
what is true. I love what Psalm 45:1
says, My heart is stirred by a noble
theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful
writer.
