Sunday, April 14, 2013

El Roi

There’s this scene that keeps rolling around in my imagination where I’m standing before the Throne of God at the end of my life.

“I know you asked me to write about disability but that just wasn’t very…popular.”  I look down at the golden ground, stuff my hands in the back pockets of my jeans, and bite my lip for a moment before continuing.  

“I just never really developed much of a following.  The page view stats on my blog were really low, not enough people “liked it” on Facebook, or promoted it on Twitter.”  

I breathe deep before continuing, letting the rest of my confession come out in a rush:  “No one seemed to be watching.  It didn’t seem like it was worth my time…so I  quit.”

The room is silent for a beat while we stare into each other’s eyes.  God is pondering my explanation; I’m waiting for His answer.  Suddenly, He turns His head with compassion says, “I was watching.  It mattered to me.”


This isn’t how I want things to end.  

But, what do I do with how I’m wired?  I have one phone where I receive text messages, two degrees in Information Media,  and three e-mail accounts where I regularly respond to messages.  I’m enrolled in online coursework, am planning a dissertation about the administration of social media, and write a weekly blog.  I have a Facebook page, YouTube Channel, and Twitter account.  People have tried to get me to use LinkedIn and Pinterest, but I have to draw the line somewhere so….

One weekend I did. 

I turned off my computer and TV for 48 hours….

And wept.

Not because I missed my social media tools and constant modes of communication, but because I didn’t like the influence they were having on my life.

My life is too fast, too loud, and too much in front of a screen; except I didn’t know that until I stepped away for a few days.  

I’m concerned about the amount of envy, jealousy, and comparison that is stirred in me when I scroll through my Facebook feed. 

I’m haunted to find that I don’t miss communicating with people online when I take a break from social media.

What does that mean?  Is the whole thing a waste of time?  In a culture that is continually promising to connect us through the miracle of the Internet, are we really being disconnected and isolated one iPad at a time?

I don’t fundamentally believe that technology is evil, but I do think how we use it matters.  

On March 28th, I decided to step away from Facebook for at least 40 days.  I’m about half-way through my hiatus and I am finding that I feel…

Less Distracted

Less Excluded

Energized to engage in face to face relationships

More and more I want to meet El-Roi, the God Who Sees, and let Him redefine some terms in my life, especially what it means, to be “big,” “important,” and “seen.”

I love this testimony from Mike Weaver of Big Daddy Weave where he tells about how he encountered the God Who Sees in his garage:

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