“My sister has
multiple scoliosis,” she confided in me.
“This year she transitioned to using a scooter. My family has had different reactions. My mom is taking a class on miraculous
healing; my dad is trying to get everyone to accept it. I don’t know what to think. I finally just asked my sister, “How do you
want me to pray for you?”
The healing question.
It’s a BIG one. I’ve found myself
on the listening end of conversations like these lately, and it’s usually at
this point that I ask people if I can give
them a copy of Walking
with Tension. I’ve wrestled with
the same questions myself, and while I haven’t come up with an answer, my hope
is that my story is a companion to them on their own journey of faith.
I cannot offer an explanation of why some people are healed
and not others. Although, I did ask my
friend and pastor Steve Wiens about it and I highly respect the
answer he provided on his blog.
Looking back on my own journey, I do, however, want to offer
this.
Like it or not, your
situation is forming you. Most days,
I don’t really think too hard about the fact that I have CP, but some days it
is not ignorable. It makes me tired,
dictates the clothes I wear, and on occasion causes people to stare. At times, I have felt defeated by fatigue, unpleasant
in the face of my wardrobe options, and evaluated by piercing glances. I do, however, agree with Charles Swindoll,
“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.” When I take the time to slow down, reflect,
pray, write, drinking deeply of my life experiences, I’m learning that more is
being formed in me than frustration, ugliness, and pain. My fatigue is teaching me how to value rest,
my wardrobe limitations have ignited more creativity in my sense of style, and
being stared at has light a fire in me to ensure I see others well.
It’s really okay to
wrestle with God. I didn’t think so
at first. He is God after all,
right? Shouldn’t I be at least as polite
and controlled with Him as I am with a stranger? And then, I read this fabulous quote by
Phillip Yancey, someone who watched his father die from polio because he
thought it was a greater act of faith to pray for healing than use an iron
lung.
"One bold message in the book of Job is that you can say
anything to God. Throw at him your grief, your anger, your doubt, your
bitterness, your betrayal, your disappointment--he can absorb them all. As
often as not, spiritual giants of the Bible are shown contending with God. They
prefer to go away limping, like Jacob, rather than to shut God out."
What has helped me is to
Google a picture of Jacob wrestling the angel.
There are many different artistic renditions, but after a while, you
have to ask, “Are they wrestling or hugging?”
At least when you wrestle with God you are being held in his
embrace. You are face to face. The lines of communication are wide
open. He is our high priest who understands,
come boldly before Him.
There is going to be a day when this is all over. Your pain right now
is very, very real. I love what Paul
writes in 2 Corinthians. Outwardly we
are wasting away….the wrinkles are real.
The extra 10 pounds surrounding your midline is real. The stamina that you enjoyed a decade ago
that seems to have gone mysteriously missing—that actually happened.
Yet, while aging and pain is
at work, so is the eternal nature of God in us!
Don’t lose heart my friend! There
is more to the story:
